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:iconkmleckstein22: More from KMLEckstein22


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Submitted on
June 2, 2010
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Within the past year,
You could say I have been through hell and back.
What people say is scary,
It is like being at the shallow end of your local kiddie pool.
Seeing hell for what it really is,
Was like jumping down straight into an active volcano,
Or drowning into the depths of the ocean,
Feelings I have never had before,
Not knowing if you are going to offically give in once and for all.
You keep saying,
"Take me now".......
But do you really mean it?
Can you say it full heartedly knowing how many people would be devistated,
would you be happy the way things went down?
The demons that tourment me day in and day out,
Remind me of everything negative that was said and went down.

As I look in the mirror I rip off my shirt,
I shred it into pieces because I am hurt.
My soul hurts, it screams for attention, love and emotion to over come the numbness inside.
My body hurts physically, I am in pain from the fresh cuts as deep as trenches lying above major viens.
My mind is exhausted, mentally I am on overload processing normal functions,
while helping the dead along the way.
My hands grip the sink as tight as vices,
so hard one vien is twitching looking as though it might come off my hand.
Tears begin rolling down my face and I begin to scream.

"GOD ARE YOU THERE?
ARE YOU LISTENING?
DO YOU CARE ANYMORE?
WHAT IS LEFT OF MY LIFE TO LIVE FOR?
I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!
HAVE YOU LEFT ME?"

Then something came over me,
I colaspe and hit the shower tub,
Fully consious I did not move or scream,
I just laid there.
As unsure as I was about what just happened a voice came into my head.
It said:

"I do love you, daughter of Christ, everything will be alright."

and then a familar voice came into my head,
more of a converstation me and a certain boy had.
Something I needed to hear.

Me: Promise me something?
Him: sure.....
Me: Promise me that no matter how hard I push you away that you will always be here and not go anywhere.
Him: I promise.

With that I got up and dialed his number,
to my surprise he was still there,
a smile crept across my face as I heard the words,
I-am-not-going-anywhere.
This was what my life was like last year and the beginning of this year.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconaxes4six:
axes4six Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:clap:
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:iconshadowsand:
shadowsand Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I went through five years of this, and now it's been three years of healing with God as my intervention. Stand strong, things don't just disappear, but God lasts longer than all of them. And He can take aything and everything.

Have you ever listened to Stellar Kart or Manafest? Both are excellent bands, Stellar Kart is really positive music that is totally, shamelessly God-glorifying, and manafest is a rapper from Canada who lost his dad to suicide and decided to turn his life around after God intervened, I highly recommend them both. Both are totally uplifting anytime, even when the heavy downs come back. (Ask me about any modern Christian band, I know a good lot if you want to learn something about them. Best food for the soul :) )
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:iconkmleckstein22:
KMLEckstein22 Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2010
I love listening to skillet, I think they're amazing. And I'll have to check out those bands, I haven't heard of them before, but I love to listen to music, so thanks for the suggestions!
Reply
:iconemilyjulianne:
EmilyJulianne Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh.my.god
One word
Simply a m a z i n g :heart:
I went through this, I know how much it hurts... and how great it feels to find someone who hasn't abandoned you yet
Reply
:iconkmleckstein22:
KMLEckstein22 Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2010
I know, I think that's what's been getting me through this whole thing (besides god that is) But my friend has been there for me no matter what.. so yeah and thankyou so much for your kind words!
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:iconemilyjulianne:
EmilyJulianne Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
No problem :heart:
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:iconair64000:
Air64000 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2010
*tear* I almost started crying because of this. Very Very nice!!!
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:iconkmleckstein22:
KMLEckstein22 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2010
Thanks! I try to get people's emotions to strike up inside them. I want people to understand what i went through...to show people there are real people out there, and not the fake one's we see on Tv carrying their little puppies and coach purses...
Reply
:iconmelchi32:
Melchi32 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2010
ow ... I can't even comment that.
It's as if I commented my own life.
Don't let the demons win.

Don't forget that above the battlefield
the stars look down on you.
The horizon is all around you.

And even if the dust cover them.
They are still there.
Hang on to what can't leave you alone.
Reply
:iconkmleckstein22:
KMLEckstein22 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2010
Thanks so much! Things have gotten better.... much better in fact. I try to look at the positives as much as I can, but to write poetry it helps me cope with what I'm going through spiritually, and it makes me who I am. Thanks for adding me to your watch and adding my poems to your favs!
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:iconalyth3cat:
alyth3cat Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2010
This has a really good plot and it has a beautiful story to it. I also could really feel the emotion. You nailed that feature right on the head. Also, because this is something incredibly personal you get major kudos for sharing at all.

For improvement I did notice that you have some typos. For example, in the stanza "straigh" should be "straight" and "ina nd" should be "in and". I also noticed in the second stanza "sttention" should be "attention" But those are just some slight grammatically errors that are easily fixed.

Becuase this poem is a story it reads more like a paragraph then verse. I noticed you had a couple lines of rhyme, but overall it's just random and more focused on emotion. Because of that I think you should try to incorperate that into the style. For instance, try playing with a sylallable pattern in the lines instead.

I think you have an incredibly subject matter here, and I think this is really strong. It's a couple good edits away from a masterpeice. Keep up the good work. :D
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:iconkmleckstein22:
KMLEckstein22 Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2010
thanks so much!!!!! your the first person to ever really give me some constructive criticism so thanks and I'll get on those edits right away. Normally I forget to edit before I post so sometimes it looks like I can't spell at all! :D thanks a bunch!!!!
Reply
:iconalyth3cat:
alyth3cat Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2010
^.^ Im always eager to help our members. :) Sometimes it just takes awhile to get around to it. :( I look forward to seeing the edits!
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:icongummibat:
gummibat Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2010
And so this crazy story has a happy ending. What would we all do without friends? :)
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:iconkmleckstein22:
KMLEckstein22 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2010
I know right? they help pick us up when we need to be picked up. :D
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:icongummibat:
gummibat Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2010
I'm glad your okay.
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:iconkmleckstein22:
KMLEckstein22 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2010
thanks yeah it was awhile ago though....
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:icongummibat:
gummibat Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2010
Yea, still. xD
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:iconmasvida:
masvida Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2010
Love the ending!!! Wow it kinda gave me chills... Reminds me of friends I have (who keep their promises) =]
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:iconkmleckstein22:
KMLEckstein22 Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2010
thanks for the comment, yeah I try to end my poems with a happy ending because no matter how somethings are in life, their will always be happiness, you just have to try and look for it. :D
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:iconmasvida:
masvida Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2010
Yes, agreed =]
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:iconenigmatic-infelicity:
Enigmatic-Infelicity Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Really good, very well written :)
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:iconkmleckstein22:
KMLEckstein22 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2010
thanks so much!
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:iconkp-squeak95:
Kp-Squeak95 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Omg I love this...Instant fav ^_^
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:iconkmleckstein22:
KMLEckstein22 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2010
thanks so much!
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:iconkp-squeak95:
Kp-Squeak95 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
^_^ Anytime
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:iconhyta:
Hyta Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
very good...
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:iconkmleckstein22:
KMLEckstein22 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
thanks alot. I guess when you are in an emotional state in your life things are easier to write about. :D
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:iconhyta:
Hyta Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
Yes, artists must suffer.
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:iconkmleckstein22:
KMLEckstein22 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
yeah and I have changed.
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:iconhyta:
Hyta Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
You're not an artist anymore? :)
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:iconkmleckstein22:
KMLEckstein22 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
yeah I still am, other wise I wouldn't be posting any of my artwork or poems on here. :D I've just changed my outlook and I'm more expresive on what I do now. It helps me.
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:iconhyta:
Hyta Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
You mean being more true to your readers helps you?
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:iconkmleckstein22:
KMLEckstein22 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2010
I guess what I'm trying to say is that society BS's people anymore. Everyone is so fake and if they see there are real people out there with problems too then that can help them.
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