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Submitted on
June 2, 2010
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Within the past year,
You could say I have been through hell and back.
What people say is scary,
It is like being at the shallow end of your local kiddie pool.
Seeing hell for what it really is,
Was like jumping down straight into an active volcano,
Or drowning into the depths of the ocean,
Feelings I have never had before,
Not knowing if you are going to offically give in once and for all.
You keep saying,
"Take me now".......
But do you really mean it?
Can you say it full heartedly knowing how many people would be devistated,
would you be happy the way things went down?
The demons that tourment me day in and day out,
Remind me of everything negative that was said and went down.

As I look in the mirror I rip off my shirt,
I shred it into pieces because I am hurt.
My soul hurts, it screams for attention, love and emotion to over come the numbness inside.
My body hurts physically, I am in pain from the fresh cuts as deep as trenches lying above major viens.
My mind is exhausted, mentally I am on overload processing normal functions,
while helping the dead along the way.
My hands grip the sink as tight as vices,
so hard one vien is twitching looking as though it might come off my hand.
Tears begin rolling down my face and I begin to scream.

"GOD ARE YOU THERE?
ARE YOU LISTENING?
DO YOU CARE ANYMORE?
WHAT IS LEFT OF MY LIFE TO LIVE FOR?
I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!
HAVE YOU LEFT ME?"

Then something came over me,
I colaspe and hit the shower tub,
Fully consious I did not move or scream,
I just laid there.
As unsure as I was about what just happened a voice came into my head.
It said:

"I do love you, daughter of Christ, everything will be alright."

and then a familar voice came into my head,
more of a converstation me and a certain boy had.
Something I needed to hear.

Me: Promise me something?
Him: sure.....
Me: Promise me that no matter how hard I push you away that you will always be here and not go anywhere.
Him: I promise.

With that I got up and dialed his number,
to my surprise he was still there,
a smile crept across my face as I heard the words,
I-am-not-going-anywhere.
This was what my life was like last year and the beginning of this year.
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:iconaxes4six:
axes4six Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:clap:
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:iconshadowsand:
shadowsand Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I went through five years of this, and now it's been three years of healing with God as my intervention. Stand strong, things don't just disappear, but God lasts longer than all of them. And He can take aything and everything.

Have you ever listened to Stellar Kart or Manafest? Both are excellent bands, Stellar Kart is really positive music that is totally, shamelessly God-glorifying, and manafest is a rapper from Canada who lost his dad to suicide and decided to turn his life around after God intervened, I highly recommend them both. Both are totally uplifting anytime, even when the heavy downs come back. (Ask me about any modern Christian band, I know a good lot if you want to learn something about them. Best food for the soul :) )
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:iconkmleckstein22:
KMLEckstein22 Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2010
I love listening to skillet, I think they're amazing. And I'll have to check out those bands, I haven't heard of them before, but I love to listen to music, so thanks for the suggestions!
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:iconemilyjulianne:
EmilyJulianne Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh.my.god
One word
Simply a m a z i n g :heart:
I went through this, I know how much it hurts... and how great it feels to find someone who hasn't abandoned you yet
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:iconkmleckstein22:
KMLEckstein22 Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2010
I know, I think that's what's been getting me through this whole thing (besides god that is) But my friend has been there for me no matter what.. so yeah and thankyou so much for your kind words!
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:iconemilyjulianne:
EmilyJulianne Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
No problem :heart:
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:iconair64000:
Air64000 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2010
*tear* I almost started crying because of this. Very Very nice!!!
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:iconkmleckstein22:
KMLEckstein22 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2010
Thanks! I try to get people's emotions to strike up inside them. I want people to understand what i went through...to show people there are real people out there, and not the fake one's we see on Tv carrying their little puppies and coach purses...
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:iconmelchi32:
Melchi32 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2010
ow ... I can't even comment that.
It's as if I commented my own life.
Don't let the demons win.

Don't forget that above the battlefield
the stars look down on you.
The horizon is all around you.

And even if the dust cover them.
They are still there.
Hang on to what can't leave you alone.
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:iconkmleckstein22:
KMLEckstein22 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2010
Thanks so much! Things have gotten better.... much better in fact. I try to look at the positives as much as I can, but to write poetry it helps me cope with what I'm going through spiritually, and it makes me who I am. Thanks for adding me to your watch and adding my poems to your favs!
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